Just Keep Swimming

Goodbye, 2016, and good riddance! Overall, you were a pretty rotten year. In January we became aware of some health issues with my dad, symptoms that his girlfriend couldn't deal with on her own. In early March, we moved him 350 miles from home, up here with us, and started the rounds of doctors and tests which, in mid-April, lead to the diagnosis: Alzheimer's Disease/Lewy Body Dementia. 

(In the midst of this, one very BIG, very BRIGHT spot..we welcomed my first grandchild into the world. The amazing, adorable Angelo graced us with his presence in April, and he has kept me laughing & smiling through the darkest parts of this year. What a blessing he already is, what a joy!)

So, we sold Dad's truck and beautiful 5th wheel trailer and with that went his dream of traveling the country, enjoying his retirement after 42 years with the same company. It was devastating. We were able to move him into his own small home, maintaining some independence,  but he requires some supervision so we hired caregivers to be with him about 75% of the time.

At some point that's not going to be enough and I will have to make the Big Decision. For now, I'm just treading water, trying not to drown under the worry and overwhelming responsibility that comes with being the only child of an ailing, aging parent. It requires more patience, strength and grace than I possess on any given day.  I've discovered skills I never knew I had and dusted off some I never thought I'd need again.  Managing finances, caregivers & general day to day life, doctor visits (and one scary hospital stay), has become  the focus of my life. It has become a full-time job, because even when he's being cared for by paid professionals, I'm still on call. 24/7, 7 days a week. My phone is far from my side. No vacations, no holidays, no days off where I can just put Dad's illness on the back burner and focus on ME. It's sad and stressful and all-consuming. Yet, I keep going. I keep swimming, as Dory advises, hoping that I make it look easier, that I appear more graceful than I actually am. Because it's not his fault. And I'm not complaining, truly I'm not. It's just freaking hard, that's all.



 With all of this going on, I moved Dad to the front burner and put everything else in the back. My hobbies, my goals, my health..my weight loss. My fitness. All of it got put on hold. I tried to keep up with my daily walks, but either I was too busy or I was simply too tired or stressed. It was easier to self-medicate with food instead of exercise. I allowed some more junk to seep back into my diet, especially while cooking for Dad who is definitely not vegan but was willing to try some faux meat products, just nothing too "green" or anything that looked like "weeds." So, more veggie burgers, hot dogs & fries & less kale ended up on my plate for a while. My Fitbit continued to plug along, logging the couple thousand steps that were part of my daily routine. Now & then I managed a long beach walk, and my body & soul thanked me for it but I couldn't manage to sustain that habit. As a result, my clothes got tighter. The  numbers on the scale started going in the wrong direction. And before I knew it, 10 of the 20 lost pounds had crept back on.

Sad & sobering and oh-so-disappointing. But, here I am. It's a new year, can't do anything about what happened in 2016. What now? Do I keep heading in that direction, just treading water and surviving? Nah, let's not. A better idea would be to get myself together, force myself (and others) to put myself first, or at least somewhere near the top. How to do that? Well, I think we have a working system in place, that Dad's needs are being met..for now.  There will always be adjustments, issues that come up that will need addressing, but I can't sit around waiting for what might happen. I need to keep living my life the best I can. I have a father to care for, but I also have a partner, children and a grandchild who want and need me around! In order to do that, I've gotta take care of myself. I've got to do what keeps me healthy & happy because if I'm not around, who's gonna take care of Dad?

So, I am already working on the new plan. It involves some elements from the past, what worked before, with a few new habits thrown in. To keep with the theme of this post, I've added some new strokes to my swim routine. I'm excited and hopeful and determined to lose what I gained in weight, and gained what I lost in fitness & mental health.

For the readers who are still with me, thanks for hanging in there. I hope to see more of you in 2017.

Michele~

P.S. In the midst of all of this change, we also decided to build a swimming pool, which added a lot more construction & chaos but hopefully, eventually, more fun & joy to our lives.

Here I am, back to blogging, though I still don't have much to say..grin..I hope you'll bear with me and eventually I'll find some inspiration! I'm sure everyone had a great holiday season but, if you're like me, you're ready to get back to normal. Maybe you've made some resolutions and have started a new routine? Instead of actual resolutions, I tend to choose a word or phrase to focus on throughout the year. In 2014, that word was "self." Self-love. Self-acceptance. Self-esteem. Etc. etc. It worked really well for me as I did take better care of myself. I focused more on me. I walked more, ate better, and lost a few pounds (12, to be exact).

This year I've chosen a phrase:

Take Your Time

As a kid, I remember Mom offering that advice. Whether it was while working on a homework assignment or baking cookies, she encouraged me to slow down and pay attention to what I was doing. When I start to rush around, especially when cooking, I hear her voice reminding me that there's no hurry. Better to take your time and do it right, not risk mistakes. This has served me well, on so many levels. Turning 50 has reminded me that life is short, and I do literally need to take the time that I have left on this earth. Not take it for granted nor squander it away. Since I'm an empty-nester who doesn't work outside the home, I have a lot of time to myself. It's a luxury that not everyone has been granted, and I need to appreciate it more and spend it more wisely. So I'll be making a few changes this year, being more conscious of just how I use the 24 hours a day I'm given. I haven't worked out all the details yet, but I know there will be more beach walks, more healthy food, more writing, more crafts, more art, more books. Less worry and anxiety, less concern with the silly stuff that just doesn't matter. There will be fewer hours spent on Facebook. It sucks up so much of my time, I wish I could give it up completely but I would miss my friends there, and the connection to other vegans, sorely lacking in my "real" life.

 Health wise, I've given left Weight Watchers and am back to Sparkpeople. I haven't changed my "diet," still focusing mostly on low fat whole foods, with a little vino and chocolate here & there. I'm being more gentle with myself, though, since having a conversation with Laura who suggested that I've been sabotaging myself, being a bit too extreme. More about that another time, for now I'm just doing the best I can.

I'm still receiving my local produce delivery, am really enjoying it! On Friday afternoon, Front Porch Pickings sends me an email detailing the fruits & veggies that will be delivered the following Wednesday, and I have til noon on Monday to make revisions. This gives me a couple of days to plan my weekly menu which I'll once again be posting here. The weather here has been cool and grey, not great for beach visits but perfect for curling up on the couch with Netflix and a big bowl of soup! I'll be featuring several recipes from Robin Robertson's Fresh from the Vegan Slow Cooker, one of my favorites. Without further ado, this week's menu, in no particular order:

•  Three Sisters Squash
• Creole-Style Jambalaya
• Chipotle Corn Chowder 
• Kale and Cannellini Bean Soup 
• Grandmother Gennaro's Minestre 

We'll likely have one pizza or taco night and one dining out, lots of leftovers for lunches or to store in the freezer for those I-don't-wanna-cook-nights.

I hope your 2015 is off to a great start, looking forward to catching up with everyone here in Blogland.

New Year, New Habits

Happy New Year! I hope 2014 is off to a wonderful start so far! I myself spent yesterday resting, regrouping, and also implementing some healthy new habits.  After much reflection, here are the changes I've started making:

• A return to Weight Watchers. I know, I can feel you rolling your eyes at me..grin..I've been back & forth so many times on this issue.  However, after doing it on my own for most of 2013, and not losing any substantial weight, I must admit that I need the accountability and the structure that an organized, face-to-face program provides. While there are aspects of WW that I won't adhere to (mandatory dairy and fat servings, for example), I find that overall it's a good, solid system and the most vegan-friendly weight loss program available.  So, I marched back into a meeting last Friday, weighed in and got the new materials.  I won't be using the Simple Start features because they are a bit challenging for a plant-based diet, but jumped right back into Points Plus. I tracked about 80% of the time this past week, and even though I certainly did my share of holiday indulging, I think the tracking helped me from going completely over the edge. 

•  Daily personal journaling, for mental/emotional health.  I dusted off my copy of The Artist's Way and opened a blank composition book, started doing my Morning Pages yesterday.  I find that this daily writing helps me process my emotions in a healthy way; instead of stuffing them down with food, I'm purging them onto the paper for reflection or even just disposal.  I'm hoping this will help curb my binge eating and subsequent guilt afterward.  

• Increased exercise, of course.   Now that the holidays are over and my guest rooms are once again vacant, I can move my treadmill back to it's proper location.  I have some silly comedy on the way from Netflix, perfect for mindless treadmill viewing.  

•  More fat, less fluff..food-wise, that is.  While I fully embrace Dr. McDougall, Barnard, etc's high-carb, no fat way of eating, I have decided to allow a tiny bit more oil into my diet than they suggest. Last year I tried to eliminate most "fake" meats, all added oils, and most processed foods, and stuck to whole foods as much as possible.  This is a great plan and it works well, but, frankly, it's a little bit boring.  For someone like me who enjoys cooking and likes to experiment with a variety of cuisines, I got kinda tired of beans/potatoes/rice/greens.  I need more.  So this year I'll be allowing a little bit more oil, I'm talking a teaspoon or so here & there back into my diet, but what I am limiting is white flour.  Lately I've discovered that whenever I eat white bread, pasta, etc. I end up feeling bloated and with a terrible tummy ache.  Also, these tend to be trigger foods for me; one hunk of Italian bread is never enough! So, I'll be avoiding the fluffy white stuff, will stick to Ezekiel sprouted grain bread, whole grain pasta, etc.  I'll be minimizing my consumption of processed foods in general, but see nothing wrong with adding some faux sausage or chick'n to my meal plan on occasion, especially if it helps keep me on track, enjoying my food.

•  Limited alcohol.  Before yesterday, I honestly couldn't remember a day that didn't include a glass of wine. I'm not sure if this means I have a "problem," or simply a "habit," but either way, it needs to go.  There is no reason I must have a drink each day, and one sometimes leads to two which often results in poor eating choices and inevitable weight gain. I gave a lot of thought to what exactly it is I enjoy about the cocktail hour, and discovered that it's not the buzz; it's the ritual.  Just as every morning Chip and I start our day with a beverage (coffee) & conversation, we end it with the same.  It's a way to reconnect, to mark the closing of the day, a ritual.  However,  no one said that happy hour must include alcohol. I can enjoy the experience with a glass of sparkling water, cup of herbal tea, whatever!  Now, I'm not saying that I'm jumping on the wagon, can't foresee myself becoming a teetotaler, but it doesn't need to be a daily habit.  A couple drinks on the weekend can be part of a healthy lifestyle and should not impede my fitness/health goals. 

So, there you have it.  I'm confident that these changes will have a positive impact on my weight loss and overall health, so looking forward to whatever 2014 brings!

Michele~

Welcome, 2011!

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a festive (yet safe) New Year's Eve! Beren and I had planned to go out, wanted to attend a big Main Street party in Daytona. We'd already decided to take a cab to and fro, not taking any chances with drinking & driving, no matter how much (or little) we chose to imbibe. However, after a couple of drinks with friends early in the evening, we came home, ate dinner and got cuddled up on the couch..one thing led to another and we decided that staying home would be much more fun. *wink* So we lit the fire pit on the patio, donned our Snuggies and listened to the neighborhood fireworks. We were in bed before midnight, actually set the alarm so that I could wake up and call my kids to wish them a happy new year! I'm such a lightweight nowadays.

So, today's the day we start afresh, right? Put aside the holiday gluttony, get back on our diets or start new ones. We make our resolutions, dust off our sneakers, stock up on veggies and start the new year with renewed dedication. I saw evidence of this already; stopping by Wal-Mart on the way into town Thursday night, I witnessed a middle-aged couple near the exercise equipment. She, considerably overweight, was showing her average-sized mate some ankle weights she was considering. A quick glance at her shopping cart revealed running shoes, a food scale, bag of salad, etc., all telltale signs of a new dieter. Laughing and joking, she looked motivated and excited about her new plan, and I found myself smiling and rooting for her. I hope she meets her goal!

As for myself, I haven't stayed On Program 100% the past week, have nibbled a cookie here, sipped an extra glass of wine there..ate "normally" on Christmas Eve and Day..and though I haven't lost any weight, I haven't gained either. I'm really pleased about that, feel like I was able to enjoy the "feasting" part of the holidays without going overboard, and am ready to get back on track today. No guilt, no remorse, no squeezing into too-tight clothes thanks to overindulgences. (In fact, I bought a couple of new tops yesterday, both Medium, and Beren actually said one of them looks too big on me!) All in all, I think I did really well dieting during this time of year, am giving myself a little pat on the back. *smile*

Now, onward, as my friend Misunderstood would say! Not one to make resolutions per se, I do like to reflect on the past year, good and bad, and state my intentions for the coming year. Here are the things I intend to do in 2011, health-wise:

*Continue with Jenny Craig, reach my official goal weight (20 more pounds) and perhaps drop another 5 pounds below that. We'll see how I look & feel when I get there.

*Maintenance. This one's going to be tough, I know it, as I can't slip back into old habits and gain the weight back. I've worked too damned hard to lose it! No backsliding.

*Exercise more. I've been slacking on the treadmill the past couple of weeks and need to make that a regular routine again, at least 5 days a week. I started to up my time from 30 to 40 minutes, would like to increase that to 45 minutes this year.

*Cook more, and better. That's the one thing I've really missed about being on Jenny, the cooking. I miss the creative process as well as nourishing the people I love. Oh, I still prepare a meal here & there for Beren and the kids but not to the degree I used to. As much as I love cooking, I want to dedicate more time and energy to it this year. Beren bought me a JC cookbook for Yule and said that he'd like to start eating "that way" (ie; healthier) which pleases me to no end!

*Create more. By this I mean artsy/crafty things and while that may not see to be about my health, it is. Big time. I have started crocheting again, picking up a lifetime hobby that I'd abandoned years ago. It is not only therapeutic and creative which is good for my soul, if I've got a crochet needle in my hand I can't eat! So while Beren's watching football or we're enjoying a tv show together, I sit & crochet, keeping my hands active doing something other than shoving food into my face! I have some other art projects in the works and as Kali said when she presented me with a new craft book for Yule, I have a Mom Cave now, no excuse not to get crafting!

*Make long overdue medical appointments. I recently went for my "lady doctor" visit and mammogram, almost a year late, and now need to schedule the dentist and routine physical. I haven't had a physical in several years, honestly hadn't wanted to step on the scale! Well, before my 47th Birthday I will reach goal and will happily hop on that doctor's scale when I do so. No excuses, I've got to take better care of my insides as well as the outside!

I think that's it. Basically I just plan to continue what I've been doing the past three months, and rev it up a little bit! I don't know about you guys, but I am looking forward to 2011 and what the year will bring! It's going to be a fabulous year, I can feel it!

So, what about you. What are your resolutions/intentions? How do you plan to take care of yourself over the next 12 months?

Have a Beauty-Full Day,

New Years Goals 2010

New Years Goals 2010, originally uploaded by Rapunzel*.

I'm not making "resolutions" this year but I am setting goals for myself. To avoid the drudgery of such goal-making, I decided to depict them with my favorite pin-ups. *wink* Enjoy!

Have a Beauty-Full Day,

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all of my blogging friends!
Here's wishing that 2010 is a fabulous year filled with peace, joy & magickal moments!

New Years Eve
Originally uploaded by Rapunzel*

Brightest New Year Blessings,